I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
