I'll bet she douches with gravy.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
