If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
