Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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