God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
