girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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