Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
