Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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