Please, let me fuck your mom
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
