Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
