Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
