What did we do last night that was yellow?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
They are going to name an STD after you.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
