Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
