I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
