It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
