Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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