Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
