me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
