he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
