Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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