the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
