Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
