Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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