Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
