we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
