I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
