They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
