Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
