he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Such a big mess for such a small penis
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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