If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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