Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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