you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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