i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
