I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
