did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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