ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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