This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
