508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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