I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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