Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
