Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
