He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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