You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
