YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
