It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
