I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
