I'm drive I can fine osifer
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
