Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
