Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
