Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
