My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm like, not good at living.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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