I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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