Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
