I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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