Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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