With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
