It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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